I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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