Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize