He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
