I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize