i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
