Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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