i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
