doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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