i already hear my dad disowning me
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
