He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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