Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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