that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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