I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
