i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
