I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
