is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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