Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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