From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize