I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
