Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
