im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
