how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
