Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
