What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
