please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
