apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
