You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
