went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
