It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
