woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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