The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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