i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
