OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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