Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i already hear my dad disowning me
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
