All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
