Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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