i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
