Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
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I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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