Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
