I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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