Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
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I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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