can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...