There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
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Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son