we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.