Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
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I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
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I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?