How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
