glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
