I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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