Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
