neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
