If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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