I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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