Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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