she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
