I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
