i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
