how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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