I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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