90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Are my feet made of real feet?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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