the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
