He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
