I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize