Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
