This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
